


Starks - in relation to R Plus L Equals J

by moonlitgleek



Series: ASOIAF Meta Collection [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Fanwork Research & Reference Guides, Gen, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, archived from moonlitgleek blog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 05:36:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16968645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitgleek/pseuds/moonlitgleek





	1. On Jon's decision to join the Night's Watch and the adults' disappointing role

Perhaps I’m beating a dead horse but I’m rereading A Game of Thrones and I’m struck by how the circumstances of Jon leaving to take the black tell a profound story of adult failure, not only on Ned’s part but also on Benjen’s and Maester Luwin’s. It’s not a matter of why Jon took that decision (which has probably been discussed ad nauseam ) as much as it’s a matter of how and when that decision was expressed, accepted and acted upon.

That particular mess starts with Benjen who is the first person Jon ever tells of his desire to join the Night’s Watch. It’s something that Jon had thought on “long and hard” when he was thinking of his place in the world, probably spurred on by Benjen’s words about it being a brotherhood and how Jon would be welcomed on the Wall, and Ned’s own high regard of Wall and the honor of serving the realm on it. Yet, it’s quite clear that his request to Benjen in the welcoming feast in Winterfell is the first time he verbalizes that desire when he asks to join _now_. Indeed, Benjen - for all his dropped hints about the Watch - is reluctant to accept Jon’s request and tries to discourage him from joining the Watch at his age, and Ned is later surprised to hear that Jon has even made such a request.

The problem here is that Benjen deliberately and willfully ignores the context of Jon’s words, and I’m not talking about how Jon’s desire is very much fueled by Catelyn’s continued insistence to put Jon in his place and let him know that Winterfell is not it. Benjen’s conversation with Jon comes four hours after the welcoming feast for the royals began. Four hours of Jon stewing in his bitterness and his out of placeness in his own family that is highlighted to unusual levels by Catelyn’s banishment of him to the lower tables. Four hours of him drinking and trying to convince himself that his status as a bastard currently puts him in a better position that his siblings because it grants him more freedom. Jon is drunk and upset during the one and only time he expresses his wish to take the black. And Ben knows that. 

> Benjen Stark straddled the bench with long legs and took the wine cup out of Jon’s hand. “Summerwine,” he said after a taste. “Nothing so sweet. How many cups have you had, Jon?”
> 
>  Jon smiled.
> 
>  Ben Stark laughed. “As I feared. Ah, well. I believe I was younger than you the first time I got truly and sincerely drunk.”

> Benjen Stark gave Jon a long look. “Don’t you usually eat at table with your brothers?”
> 
>  “Most times,” Jon answered in a flat voice. “But tonight Lady Stark thought it might give insult to the royal family to seat a bastard among them.”
> 
>  “I see.” 

> [Jon] whirled and bolted before they could see him cry. He must have drunk more wine than he had realized. His feet got tangled under him as he tried to leave, and he lurched sideways into a serving girl and sent a flagon of spiced wine crashing to the floor. Laughter boomed all around him, and Jon felt hot tears on his cheeks. Someone tried to steady him. He wrenched free of their grip and ran, half-blind, for the door. 

I’m laying a good deal of the blame at Benjen’s feet since he is the one who saw for himself the condition Jon was in, the one who had a conversation with Jon in which he got to one of the psychological motivations driving Jon’s thought process (”bastards can have honor too”) For better or for worse, it was Benjen who turned Jon’s words from a drunk emotional outburst from a teenager in a situation where he acutely felt his inferiority to his siblings and how he doesn’t have a place in the high profile life his father and siblings led, to a rational and mature choice that Jon is held to.

And even though Benjen is more than aware that Jon only has an overly idealistic view of what serving in the Night’s Watch is like, he doesn’t try to educate Jon or give him a clear idea of what that commitment means. Even his initial attempts to dissuade Jon are mysteriously missing anything about what life at the Wall is like.

> “You don’t know what you’re asking, Jon. The Night’s Watch is a sworn brotherhood. We have no families. None of us will ever father sons. Our wife is duty. Our mistress is honor.”
> 
>  “A bastard can have honor too,” Jon said. “I am ready to swear your oath.”
> 
>  “You are a boy of fourteen,” Benjen said. “Not a man, not yet. Until you have known a woman, you cannot understand what you would be giving up.”
> 
>  “I don’t care about that!” Jon said hotly.
> 
>  “You might, if you knew what it meant,” Benjen said. “If you knew what the oath would cost you, you might be less eager to pay the price, son.”
> 
>  Jon felt anger rise inside him. “I’m not your son!”
> 
>  Benjen Stark stood up. “More’s the pity.” He put a hand on Jon’s shoulder. “Come back to me after you’ve fathered a few bastards of your own, and we’ll see how you feel.”
> 
>  Jon trembled. “I will never father a bastard,” he said carefully. “Never!” He spat it out like venom.
> 
>  Suddenly he realized that the table had fallen silent, and they were all looking at him. He felt the tears begin to well behind his eyes. He pushed himself to his feet

Oh my god dude. Is any of that supposed to turn Jon off? Ben is painting a picture of a place with no class prejudices where they are all brothers and on equal foot and where their “mistress is honor”. Honor is one of the things that Jon has been chasing his whole life, something that he is desperate to prove he has despite being a bastard expected to be treasonous and dishonorable. And the strong reasons Benjen gives Jon to discourage him from joining the NW? Sex and kids. Said Ben to the fourteen year old with psychological and abandonment issues who has struggled his entire life with what being a bastard means in Westeros and whose view of sex is tightly wound up in these issues. Yep, this is sure to make Jon not want to join the Watch.

Jon is crying when he runs out of the hall but that doesn’t stop Benjen from taking the words of a vulnerable and drunk 14 year old and running away with them. He doesn’t even go to Ned with them as Jon requests. No, he goes to Maester Luwin for some reason (which is something I still don’t understand. Why would Ben go to to Luwin? Or was it just an offhand comment that Luwin ran away with?….. Who knows.) 

Jon’s conversation with Benjen gives Benjen every reason to not take Jon at his word and to try to reach out to him when he is less emotional, if not to convince him not to take the black then to at least make sure that Jon’s decision is as informed and thought through as possible and not solely based on his idealistic view of the Wall as an honorable calling and a sworn brotherhood where he can easily find a home and prove his honor. But that never happens.

The conversation between Ned and Maester Luwin that seals Jon’s fate really accentuate how messed up the situation is. 

> [Ned’s] fury was on him. He might have said more, and worse, but Maester Luwin cut in. “Another solution presents itself,” he said, his voice quiet. “Your brother Benjen came to me about Jon a few days ago. It seems the boy aspires to take the black.”
> 
>  Ned looked shocked. “He asked to join the Night’s Watch?”

This is the first time Ned ever hears, and _third-hand_ at that, that his fourteen-year-old son wants to take a binding lifelong vow of celibacy and service that he can not back out from to an institution that Ned knows the harsh truth of, even if he holds it in high esteem, and he somehow determines that the best course of action is to make up his mind about this without bothering to have a simple conversation with his child to even see if Jon knows what his vow would mean. For all of Benjen’s ineffective and incomplete counseling of Jon, at least Ben point blank tells Jon that he does not know what he is giving up. Ned doesn’t even try to determine what the hell it is Jon thinks the Wall is.

> Maester Luwin said, “There is great honor in service on the Wall, my lord.”
> 
>  “And even a bastard may rise high in the Night’s Watch,” Ned reflected. Still, his voice was troubled. “Jon is so young. If he asked this when he was a man grown, that would be one thing, but a boy of fourteen …”
> 
>  “A hard sacrifice,” Maester Luwin agreed. “Yet these are hard times, my lord. His road is no crueler than yours or your lady’s **.** ”
> 
>  Catelyn thought of the three children she must lose. It was not easy keeping silent then.

A hard sacrifice? His road is no crueler than Ned’s or Catelyn’s? Ned and Catelyn are grown adults who do have a choice in what road they take, little as it may be, and who have some idea of what they are walking into. They also get to choose to make that sacrifice for the sake of their family. Who was Jon’s sacrifice for exactly? The peace of mind of the adults who landed him in that position in the first place?

This also emphasizes the mentality that bastards grow up faster that even someone relatively close to Jon as Maester Luwin adheres to without a reservation or even a second thought. This goes beyond, say, Ben’s unhappy acceptance of the truth that bastards are socially forced to grow up faster that their peers, something that Maester Luwin outright told Jon placing an _expectation_ on Jon to grow faster and causing Jon to internalize it. Maester Luwin is now holding Jon on par with Ned and Catelyn. He speaks of Jon as an adult with the same responsibility and accountability placed on Ned and Catelyn as parents, and as the Lord and Lady of Winterfell. 

Note that Luwin doesn’t liken Jon’s road to, say, Robb’s or Sansa’s, both of whom are about to face their own hurdles as the former receives what is basically an info dump to ready him for the responsibility of Winterfell and the North, and the latter gets betrothed to the guy whose family is accused of killing the former Hand. No, the maester likens it to the hard choices that the two thirty-something adults are making. Not to mention that for all his talk about hard sacrifices, he is merrily minimizing the difficulty and harshness Jon would face by comparing it to Ned and Catelyn’s future. For better or for worse, Ned was being appointed to a very high office and offered a betrothal for a daughter and a possible knighthood for a son. Of course he was walking into a viper’s bit and he had no wish for the “honor” Robert bestowed on him, but as none of them is clairvoyant and thus they had no idea about what would happen, comparing _that_ with a kid systematically being forced out of his home and into harsh living conditions and a binding vow of service that he doesn’t even grasp the full weight of is such a cheap shot.

Worse still, Maester Luwin is encouraging Ned to adopt the same mentality (since Ned’s main pressing objection to Jon taking the black is how young Jon is) while also unknowingly validating Catelyn’s mentality of “if I’m suffering why shouldn’t the bastard suffer too?” The same mentality that culminated in her using Jon as an emotional punching bag, be it for her anger and frustration with Ned for siring Jon in the first place or for her pain and grief over Bran’s fall. (And I would bet real money that this plays a major part in her adamant refusal of Robb’s decision to name Jon his heir in ASOS.) That mentality becomes clear in Catelyn’s reaction to Maester Luwin’s words – she was making a sacrifice, why shouldn’t Jon make a sacrifice too?

The harsh thing about Maester Luwin’s part in this is that Jon is one of his charges, one of the children entrusted to his care. He watched him grow up, he instructed him, he clearly had private conversations with him considering the “bastards grow faster than others” comment, and he failed him monumentally.

> Ned turned away from them to gaze out the window, his long face silent and thoughtful. Finally he sighed, and turned back. “Very well,” he said to Maester Luwin. “I suppose it is for the best. I will speak to Ben.”
> 
>  “When shall we tell Jon?” the maester asked.
> 
>  “When I must. Preparations must be made. It will be a fortnight before we are ready to depart. I would sooner let Jon enjoy these last few days. Summer will end soon enough, and childhood as well. When the time comes, I will tell him myself.”

Hallelujah! Ned will speak to _Ben_ , _not_ the boy whose life this changes drastically and who is making such a big decision based on minimal information and without proper counseling. Wonderful parenting skills there, Ned.

Ned completely drops the ball with Jon. He is Jon’s sole parent. He accepted responsibility for Jon when he made his promise to Lyanna, and he fails to do his job as a parent here. He recognizes that there are opportunities for Jon on the Wall but Ned’s main remissness lies in [his failure to consider that Jon can have opportunities elsewhere](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/148219488850/anon-said-i-dont-think-rereading-the-book-will) that don’t require him to pay such a steep price and failing to present them to Jon. His second mistake is not seeking Jon out and only taking Maester Luwin’s words as a base for his decision. I can’t even give him the benefit of the doubt by saying that he assumed that Benjen told Jon what he needed to know. Ned makes up his mind before even talking to Ben to find out if he did, and the responsibility of counseling Jon in the first place is Ned’s since _he_ is Jon’s father, not Benjen. Jon himself recognizes that later on the Wall.

> No one had told him the Night’s Watch would be like this; no one except Tyrion Lannister. The dwarf had given him the truth on the road north, but by then it had been too late. **Jon wondered if his father had known what the Wall would be like. He must have, he thought; that only made it hurt the worse.**

Ned himself is not unaware that what he is doing is not right. He is troubled because he knows that his decision is not really about Jon or respecting his wishes but about making things easier by removing Jon from the equation. After all, if Ned truly thought that this is what Jon freely and truly desires, he wouldn’t be that reluctant to tell Jon about it or feel the need to “let Jon enjoy these last few days” as if he is a death row prisoner being allowed a last meal. Ned is acting like the news is a sentence and not something to be happy about like it should be was the situation really about Jon and respecting his wishes. And this _is_ Ned sentencing Jon to the Wall. “ _When the time comes, I will tell him myself_ ” is very much a case of “ _the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword_ ”. For Jon isn’t being granted permission to join the Watch if he wishes to, he’s being _informed_ that he _is_ joining it. 

(And I suspect that Ned’s failing to speak to Jon first before making that decision has an element of him avoiding that conversation for the bitter truth it would have forced him to face – that he is essentially sacrificing Jon to the Watch and convincing himself it is the best option when it’s actually nothing but a last resort caused by Ned’s own shortsightedness.)

Of course dismissively rejecting Jon’s request put of hand also wasn’t the right choice (and it would have hurt Jon deeply and caused him to lash out), but Benjen should have sought to make sure that this wasn’t just Jon’s hurt feelings talking before bringing it up to anyone. Ned and Ben should have made sure that Jon had a clear idea of what serving in the Watch means and what harsh realities lie behind the bedazzling idea of a sworn brotherhood. Both Starks completely and utterly failed to provide Jon with the necessary information he needed to make a conscious and informed decision to commit to that institution. They let him, a teenager who feels he has no place in the world to call his, make a decision based on incomplete information then held him to it, and allowed him to walk into binding lifelong commitment completely unprepared. They withheld information from him then left him to fend for himself. For a guy who chose to be Jon’s father, and another who wishes he _was_ Jon’s father, this is a fail of epic proportions


	2. In defense of Ned's love for Jon

[@out-there-on-the-maroon](https://tmblr.co/msnaFPkt7yBe04iwE6jy32A) reblogged [your post](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/151352200640/perhaps-im-beating-a-dead-horse-but-im-rereading) and added:

> I disagree that Ned wanted to be Jon’s father or tried much at all. And this awesome long post above kinda cements that for me. Ned claims to be Jon’s father but he doesn’t back that up with actions beyond bringing Jon to Winterfell and insisting on raising him in the household. He doesn’t make plans to send Jon away from Winterfell, to serve in a lesser house or give some lesser knight money to squire Jon and make him into a knight someday or send Jon to the Citadel if Jon showed aptitude for scholarly work. He doesn’t ask **his best friend, the King** , to legitimize Jon so Jon can inherit some portion of Winterfell’s land and make a decent marriage with a highborn girl. He keeps Jon close, in a household where he has no place and no social standing, no marriage prospects, no future career. 
> 
> Now this makes sense if we assume that Jon is in fact Rhaegar and Lyanna’s child. Ned wouldn’t want Jon out of his sight, he promised Lyanna on her deathbed to keep Jon safe. So keep him safe Ned has, for 14 long tense years as Robert hunts down the last of the Targaryens. It doesn’t make sense to the rest of Westeros, where bastards are rarely if ever raised in the household. 

I’ve been vocal about criticizing Ned’s actions with all of his kids including Jon, but this moves from criticizing his actions to questioning his feelings for Jon and his willingness to and acceptance of being his father. And I find that to be too harsh a view of Ned. Making a mistake in parenting is not the same as not wanting (or trying) to be a parent.

The thing about Ned and Jon’s relationship is that it exists by Ned’s _choice_. Keeping his promise to Lyanna by taking care of her son didn’t necessitate for Jon to grow up in Winterfell. Ned could have let Jon disappear into the swamps of the Neck with Howland Reed (who surely would have welcomed raising Lyanna’s son), he could have shipped him off somewhere and forgotten about him. But Ned doesn’t do that. He doesn’t relinquish Jon’s responsibility to even one of his closest confidants. He chooses to personally take on the responsibility of raising him. He _chooses_ to be Jon’s father in more than name. He brings him to Winterfell at a personal cost to himself and to his relationship with Catelyn. He makes sure Jon has a family and a good education. He takes Jon in and makes him his own and prays for closeness between him and Robb. Jon knows Ned and his siblings and has a relationship with them because Ned wanted and chose to give him that.

It’s easy to say that Ned **only** brought Jon to Winterfell like it’s not a huge deal in and of itself, when it’s also the first piece of evidence of how much Ned cared about his promise to Lyanna and about Jon himself. Things would have been much much easier for Ned had he sent Jon away and only contributed to his life financially. Catelyn herself reflects on Ned’s fierce protectiveness and defense of Jon and his deep love for his mother. Jon’s presence in Winterfell and the way that he was raised alongside his trueborn siblings (i.e, being educated and trained by Ser Rodrik and Maester Luwin same as Robb, being instructed by Ned on governance alongside Robb (Jon’s chapters are rife with remembered lessons that Ned bestowed on both Jon and Robb), taking his meals at the high table with his sibling which would _never_ happen in another household, Ned fostering love between his kids and Jon, etc. ) is a testament of Ned’s love for Jon and that he wanted to do right by him.

Bastards do not get an education or training on bar with the heir to the North, they don’t sit beside their siblings at the high table, they so very rarely get to be a part of their father’s household and when they do, it’s often in the most demeaning way. (For reference, see Falia Flowers, the bastard daughter of Lord Humfrey Hewett of the Reach who was made into a servant by her step-mother and her trueborn sisters.) That does not happen with Jon. Of course his life wasn’t all flowers and sunshine but when you consider the social limitations on bastards and the prejudice against them in Westeros, and how Ned repeatedly and purposely defied the socially acceptable treatment of bastards, it’s clear that Ned did try his best.

Ned does make a mistake in not having any concrete plans for Jon’s future in the case of his demise or absence. It’s his dawdling that ultimately leads to Jon having no place but the Wall after Ned’s appointment as Hand but it’s the mistake of a father who wanted to keep his kids too close and who thought he had more time with them (as Ned’s lack of planning with Jon is echoed with his other children.) That does not excuse Ned, but my point is that his lack of planning does not derive from him not caring for Jon or wanting to pass off his responsibility to someone else. If Ned’s mistakes with Jon are indicative of his reluctance to be Jon’s father, what about his mistakes with his other kids? Because Ned makes some grievous mistakes with his own biological kids. Did he not want to be their father too? 

It doesn’t work like that. Love does not prevent someone from hurting the people he loves or letting them down, and mistakes do not cancel the love Ned has for Jon that made him upend his life and tarnish his own honor to be able to care for Jon. They do not cancel out what he had given Jon or the times he did fight for him. Ned’s mistakes are not the indicative of the depth of his fatherly feelings for Jon. Or any of his kids at that. Ned’s mistakes are _not_ what defines his relationship with his kids.

> Jon’s situation is weird and unusual. Why hasn’t Ned sent him away to squire, or serve in another house, or had Robert legitimize him so Jon can inherit some land and make a good marriage someday? We the readers know/strongly suspect it’s because Jon is Jon Targaryen but like, nobody else knows that. 

Sending Jon to squire for a knight or to be fostered for a couple of years with one of his vassals are options that Ned fails to consider when he makes his decision about the Wall. But legitimizing Jon? Yeah, no. No way. High lords don’t legitimize their bastards for shits and giggles, especially not after the Blackfyre rebellions. Bastards have only gotten legitimized in Westeros when there was a necessity when a house didn’t have heirs. (Unless you are Aegon the Unworthy and wanted to have fun by fucking up the realm and having a last dig at your heir.) 

Ned asking for Jon to be legitimized when he has three trueborn sons would be unthinkable. Ned is not stupid, he knows that there is a limit to what he could do for Jon while still maintaining a degree of propriety. He was already pushing it by raising Jon with his trueborn siblings and giving him advantages that bastards don’t get afforded. Wanting to legitimize Jon would have opened the gates of hell on Ned.

Do you think Catelyn would have stood for that, fearful as she was that Jon or any kids he might have would try to challenge her kids for Winterfell? Do you think she would have stood for Ned blatantly endangering her kids like that? Or that Hoster Tully or Jon Arryn would have let that happen? Even Robert wouldn’t be enough of a fool to agree to that, not that Ned would ever have asked for it. Such a stunt would have done noting but nuke Ned’s life with Catelyn and draw unwanted attention to Jon.

Is it really fair to expect Ned to sacrifice everything to prove he is a good father to Jon? Ned had a responsibility to Catelyn and his kids by her just as much as he had one to Jon. 

And it’s true that legitimizing Jon would have bettered his prospects (and given him something he had always dreamed of) but lands are not a part of that. Legitimization doesn’t correlate to inheriting lands. Bran and Rickon didn’t stand to inherit anything by law. Second and third sons don’t have inheritance of their own. They might get granted some land or holdfasts to hold in their brother’s name but there is nothing compelling a lord to do that if he didn’t want to. Like, Benjen did not give up any inheritance when he took the black or Loras Tyrell when he took the white. Garlan Tyrell didn’t have any lands prior to being awarded Brightwater Keep and its lands. 

> Everyone holds Ned Stark up as this great honorable man, too good for this sinful world, etc. Is he really? He flouts his (supposed) infidelity in his wife’s face for 14 years, something not even the Queen of Westeros has to put up with to that degree (sure Robert sleeps around but he doesn’t parade the evidence in front of Cersei, the one time he wanted to bring Mya to court Cersei put her foot down hard.) He hasn’t prepared his children for the political lives they’re going to face soon, especially not Robb. Ned doesn’t know the war is coming but he knows Robb will one day rule Winterfell and have to deal with a lot of difficult decisions. The Civil War wasn’t too long ago, the kingdom’s stability might not last, and Ned should raise his eldest son accordingly, he has not. (I mean Ned never expected to be the Lord of Winterfell, he probably wasn’t well prepared, but shouldn’t that make him double-down on preparing Robb?!) 

I’m afraid this just holds Ned to an impossible standard. He is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. He is bad for rubbing his infidelity in Catelyn’s face but sending Jon away to be someone else’s problem is one of the things you criticize him for in another part of your post. You say that Ned has done little to show he wants to be Jon’s father since he _only_ had him raised in Winterfell and that wasn’t enough but then you use that perceived inadequate care to say Ned is a shitty husband because Jon’s presence shames Catelyn while you also argue that Ned also should have done more for Jon to prove he is truly his father like asking Robert to legitimize Jon….. like that wouldn’t shame and hurt Catelyn even more? 

Caring for Jon by raising him in Winterfell makes Ned a bad husband but minding Catelyn (among other factors) in not legitimizing Jon makes him a bad parent. Jon’s presence in Winterfell is simultaneously too little of an effort on Ned’s part to be a parent and too much of an insult to make as a husband. You do realize that any attempt to better Jon’s life would be a further insult to Catelyn and any attempt to pacify Catelyn would be at Jon’s expense, right? Ned is in a position where he constantly has to choose between them. It’s one of the hardest internal struggles; Ned’s heart is in conflict with itself because he is forced to continually choose between two people he loves with all his heart. Ned’s story is a long tale of having to choose between people he cares about or ideals and values he firmly believes in. The human heart in conflict with itself. He is being pulled into two opposite directions and it’s damn tragic.

As for being held as an honorable man, well he _is_. He is genuinely one of the most moral and honorable characters in the novels. That doesn’t mean that either he or his honor are infallible or that he is always right. Some parts in fandom might hold Ned as the pinnacle of honor but fandom’s view is arbitrary. The text, though, is another matter. It’s true that the narrative hails Ned as an honorable man but it also offers criticism of Ned and his honor, and veers him into morally grey territories. 

Like in his view of Jaime’s murder of Aerys. Ned is _wrong_ when he judges Jaime on sight and continues to look down on him for breaking his vows and killing his king. GRRM’s writing raises a difficult question about what honor means that ties into the exploration of Ned’s sense of honor. Is Ned right in condemning Jaime for breaking his vows to a mad monarch who painted the realm red while hailing someone like Barristan Selmy who witnessed Aerys’ atrocities but “stood, and saw, and heard, and yet did nothing”? The text tells us that no, Ned is wrong. His honor led him to a rigid judgement where he expected people to fall within clear lines of black and white and right and wrong. 

The text then presents us with the greatest irony; Ned himself veered into a grey area after judging Jaime for his actions during one. Ned is behind the longest and tightest lie in the novels, a lie that is morally right for it saves the life of an innocent baby but is also, essentially, treason. The whole situation is not without its parallel with Jaime’s own.

The text is also clear in criticizing Ned (and the other adults) in the situation with Jon. I didn’t have to dig deep for anything in my post, it’s all laid out explicitly, clear as day. We’re meant to notice the circumstances of Jon’s request, we’re meant to notice how Ned made his decision in one page of text and that he didn’t speak to Jon, we’re meant to notice Bran’s observation that Jon was angry at everyone after being told he’d take the black. And GRRM doubles down on his criticism of Ned’s actions later on when both Jon and Ned reflect on it.

> _“I want you to serve the realm,” Varys said. “[…] I believe [Cersei] will allow you to take the black and **live out the rest of your days on the Wall, with your brother and that baseborn son of yours.”  
> **_
> 
> _**The thought of Jon filled Ned with a sense of shame, and a sorrow too deep for words. If only he could see the boy again, sit and talk with him …** (Eddard XV, AGOT)_

> _No one had told him the Night’s Watch would be like this; no one except Tyrion Lannister. The dwarf had given him the truth on the road north, but by then it had been too late. **Jon wondered if his father had known what the Wall would be like. He must have, he thought; that only made it hurt the worse. (** Jon III, AGOT)_

Jon recognizes that his father kept vital information from him and let him go off without adequate preparation. Ned is ashamed of what he has done in letting Jon go and wishes he could see Jon and talk with him. The text is clear that Ned is in the wrong here. It doesn’t sugarcoat or excuse what Ned has done. But it also doesn’t write Ned off as irredeemable.

> When his 14 year old son/nephew wants to run off to join a celibate harsh order full of convicted violent criminals, many of them sex offenders, Ned just … lets him go. The minute Jon shows an inkling of wanting to go somewhere where for once, he won’t be Ned’s responsibility/problem any more, Ned accepts it.
> 
> “Promise me, Ned” Lyanna said on her deathbed to her brother. 
> 
> The _minute_ there’s a viable excuse to send Jon away to somewhere he can never return from, Ned fucking takes it.
> 
> Much honor. Very steadfast. Wow.

I mean, there was nothing stopping Ned from sending Jon away at any given time throughout Jon’s life. In fact, it would have made life easier for Ned. He didn’t need an excuse to do it, society fully _expected_ him to. High born lords  _might_ see to the needs of their bastards, but they definitely do not bring them home to raise alongside their trueborn children, to teach alongside their trueborn children. Catelyn persistently tried to get Ned to send Jon away but he always refused. If it was a matter of finding a viable excuse to get rid of Jon, surely the sake of his marriage and the happiness of his wife were enough incentives. Having Jon out of sight would also have worked a long way in making people forget Ned’s “shame”. It’s unfair to suggest that Ned jumped at the chance to get rid of Jon.

I’m not saying that Ned did everything right by Jon or that he didn’t let him down, he most certainly did. But it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be his father or because he wanted to pass off his responsibility to someone else. The words both Bran and Catelyn use to describe Ned’s relationship with Jon tells of a loving relationship. Catelyn notes how anguished and troubled Ned was during the conversation with Maester Luwin. He is furious with Catelyn for insisting that Jon must go. He is ashamed and pained later when Varys mentions Jon during his imprisonment and he wishes he could see Jon and speak to him. It doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t do his job as a father at that moment and it doesn’t change the fact that he has no one to blame but himself for not having prior plans for Jon, but when it comes to discussing how Ned feels about Jon, I find it difficult to accept the idea that Ned didn’t want or try to be the kid’s father. I believe that Ned saw Jon as his.


	3. A Stark/a Targaryen - Jon's reaction to R plus L equals J

On how the truth could affect Jon's view of Ned and Rhaegar:

I’m gonna start by asserting one point: Ned Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen do not occupy even a remotely similar place in the text. There is simply no way to compare their respective narrative importance to Jon. Ned is the guy who raised Jon and the father Jon looked up to and loved. For better or for worse, he is the only parent Jon ever had and the father that Jon wanted to make proud; his model is the one that Jon strove to live up to. And Jon _loves_ Ned and loves the family Ned raised him in, that’s not going to change just because he discovers that he is not biologically Ned’s. Because he _is_ still Ned’s son in all the way that matter. Ned, for all his mistakes, loved Jon and protected him and gave him a family at a high personal cost to himself. He besmirched his honor in order to save Jon’s life and essentially committed treason and put his life on the line by concealing him. He is an integral part of who Jon is and a vital linchpin to his identity. So Jon would certainly be angry (and he has every right to be), he’d probably lash out spectacularly, but I don’t think it’d lead him to stop seeing Ned as his father or that it’d change how he feels about him. The bonds Jon has with the Starks run deep and true and so I imagine that his dominant emotion once the initial shock wears off would be only sorrow.

But while Ned is personally dear to Jon, Rhaegar would be little more than a name to him, a name attached to a dark history at that. The significance of Rhaegar’s fatherhood in Jon’s arc is largely thematic because the truth about Jon’s parentage is gonna be a major hit to Jon’s self-conception and identity. Because the only identity Jon ever wanted or dreamed of is that of a Stark. He struggled with his bastardy and the conception of his identity in light of it but he was _proud_ that he was Ned Stark’s kid. Finding out that he is not Ned’s son is a hit in and of itself but then to discover that his father is none other than Rhaegar Targaryen, oh that would be just brutal.

This is (one instance) where GRRM subverts the classic trope of the downtrodden boy with a hidden parentage and a grand destiny, because Jon’s origin story is a horror story that is going to _devastate_ him. Not only does his real parentage remove him even further from the identity he desires, not only does it mean that the father and siblings he loves so well are not really (biologically) his own, it also comes with the sobering realization of the circumstances of his own birth. Like, the identity of Jon’s mother has always been a point of tension in his relationship with Ned, and he finally, FINALLY gets his answer, except it’s a punch in the gut. Because the circumstances of Jon’s conception and birth are fucked up. Rhaegar absconded with Lyanna without sparing a thought to the consequences of his actions, so focused he was on getting a third child for the prophecy that everything paled in comparison, even insulting two Great Houses and throwing the realm into war. Lyanna was his means to fulfill the prophecy and get the third head of the dragon in [a situation that _reeks_ of consent issues](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/164906564875/honestly-the-argument-over-lyannas-consent-could). It’s not a particularly happy origin story. 

That’s the truth Jon will find out, the answer to his lifelong question. His mother is the sister of whom his adoptive father couldn’t talk because of how painful it was. His father was the crown prince who is known for carelessly breaking every chivalric code by absconding with Lyanna Stark, the guy whose actions sent the entire realm into war and created the situation that led to the murder of Rickard and Brandon Stark. His father pretty much used his mother as a vessel for a prophecy-child that she died birthing, and then his adoptive father had to claim him as his own bastard - damaging his own marriage and lying to both his wife and Jon himself - to prevent his best friend from murdering baby Jon for the grand crime of existing. Jon was literally born for the purpose of a prophecy so that he could fulfill a destiny his birth father was willing to throw the realm into war for. So how is Jon going to react to that? My belief is that he, in his initial anger and pain, is going to _reject_ said destiny. He’ll reject his Targaryen heritage, he’ll reject the prophecy, he’ll reject _Rhaegar_ and his ready-make destiny and the purpose for which he sired Jon. 

And that would be the struggle in Jon’s arc and the choice he needs to make. Is he a hero because his lineage dictates it or a prophecy told it or Rhaegar decided he would be, or is he a hero because he _chooses_ to be? Is he the maker of his own destiny or a puppet dancing to the strings of prophecy and his ancestors’ decisions? Is he fighting for humanity because he is the ready-make prophecy-child fulfilling the purpose of his birth or because it’s the right thing to do? Is he is driven by the prophecy or by hope that humanity can prevail and usher in spring after they throw back the winds of winter? Who is Jon Snow and why is he fighting?

Here’s the thing, Rhaegar prioritized the prophecy above any and everything else. He caused a lot of destruction in his pursuit of a prophecy-child and in the name of saving the same realm he doomed to war. Causing a political crisis that ended up making the realm bleed was an acceptable collateral damage to him as long as he got the third head of the dragon. Jon is going to have to come to terms with the fact that this guy is his father and that he was born specifically for a prophecy; he’ll have to accept his parentage because it’s a part of accepting himself - you have to accept where you came from before you conceive who _you_ are. But Jon’s parentage isn’t going to be what defines him or who he is, his own choices are. [Because choosing who you become when you’re faced by the abyss is perhaps the most prominent overarching theme of ASOIAF](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/153865650210/i-love-your-author-is-dead-argument-i). 

Jon is not going to be a hero because Rhaegar made him one by siring him, or because a prophecy foretold his birth. If my prediction that he’ll reject the prophesied destiny that Rhaegar was willing to throw the realm into war for is true, that means that Jon is not going to be a hero because of Rhaegar but _despite_ him. He did not need either Rhaegar or the prophecy to put him up to fighting the Others or saving people, he was doing that on his own and by his own choice because he recognized that as the most important cause and the right thing to do. Jon’s heroism is his own choice, his destiny is of his own making; he’ll fight not because his lineage compels him to or because it’s the purpose of his birth but because he genuinely wants (and chooses) to do the right thing and save the world.

* * *

Anonymous asked:

> Do you think Jon's ever going to see any of the Starklings again? Jon's destiny lies with being a Targaryen: he's a product of Rhaegar's prophecy, he'll ride a dragon, he'll romance a fellow Targ. I can't figure out if seeing the people he once thought his siblings will be part of that turn from Stark to Targaryen, or if his death will serve that role (kill the stark boy and let the Targaryen man be born. Via Fire and blood maybe). Would love to hear your thoughts

There are two points of discussion here: the question about Jon seeing his siblings again, and the comment about Jon’s destiny lying in being a Targaryen. Let me start with the second point.

I vehemently disagree that Jon is taking a turn from Stark to Targaryen or that he’d even _want_ to. There is no triumphant discovery of his Targaryen roots coming, no joyous claim of his “true” name and no embracing of a Targaryen identity. Jon’s entire identity is that of a Stark. Ned is the father Jon loves, idealizes and actively tries to live up to. The Starklings are the siblings he grew up with and loves. Winterfell is the only home he ever knew. To find out that Ned isn’t biologically his father isn’t going to come with any sense of validation or purpose or joy in his Targaryen heritage; it’s gonna come with a deep feeling of devastation that the man he loved so much lied to him for years. What matters most about the parentage reveal isn’t that Rhaegar Targaryen is Jon’s bio father, it’s that Ned Stark _isn’t_. This gonna be devastating because Jon loved Ned so much and looked up to him so much. In Jon’s own words:

> Lord Eddard Stark is my father. I will not forget him, no matter how many ( ~~shiny mystical dragons~~ ) swords they give me. 

That’s a part of the resolution to Jon’s struggle after the reveal; the realization that this statement still holds true regardless of biology. Ned is the only parent Jon ever knew and the fact that he didn’t sire Jon doesn’t make him any less his father. The truth does not change or take away from Arya being the little sister Jon misses dearly and longs to see. It does not change how Robb was his constant companion and best friend. It does not take away from the love he feels for Bran and Rickon and Sansa. These bonds of affection are still as genuine and as significant as they ever were, even with the parentage reveal. So Jon _is_ going to see his siblings again but it’s not going to be a meeting that enforces a split between him and the rest of the Starks, but rather one that reaffirms what they are to him: his siblings.

In terms of Jon’s destiny and how it relates to his heritage, it’s not like finding out that he was conceived for a prophecy is gonna be a joyful discovery for Jon, neither is the realization of how many people - including his grandfather, uncle, and mother - paid the price so that Rhaegar could acquire a prophecy child. That’s the make of an existential crisis, not a prelude to Jon turning away from his Stark identity and embracing a Targaryen one as _the_ prerequisite of being a savior. Which is why another part of the resolution in Jon’s story lies in the concept of destiny not being dependent on blood or heritage. Jon might have a great deal of magical affinity due to his blood, but his destiny does not lie in him being a Targaryen. Jon did not need to be a super special Targ to set his mind to fighting the Others, he did not need a prophecy to point him to the real fight or to make him do his damndest to save lives. He was already doing that on his own. Jon isn’t fighting because Rhaegar had him for a prophecy, he is fighting because [Ned raised him to be a man who fights for life](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/165347409695/i-would-love-to-hear-all-of-your-bookfeelings-on). He is fighting because _that’s the right thing to do_. Not only that but I’m really resistant to any theory that builds on the idea that some sort of special blood is a requirement for saviordom. Viserys and Rhaegar had the same blood as Dany, but there is a reason they aren’t heroes and she is. Tyrion doesn’t have a drop of dragon blood (please don’t mention the Tyrion Targ theory, that’s bullcrap), but he is still going to be both a dragonrider and one of the saviors of Westeros. Dragonriding isn’t even something that’s exclusive to the Targaryens in the first place. The moral here is that you don’t have to have super special blood (or name) to be a hero, and having super special blood isn’t enough to make you one. ASOIAF is a series that strongly advocates the importance of our choices and how they shape who we are, not what our parentage makes us to be. That’s the whole point. 

If you’re interested, I’ve talked more extensively about the effect of the parentage discovery on Jon, how it connects to his role in the War for the Dawn, and the different roles Ned and Rhaegar play in regards to his destiny [here](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/161215773670/im-sorry-i-didnt-mean-to-sound-like-i-was) and [here](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/164104249975/ive-been-thinking-about-this-ask-i-reblogged-from). Hope that helps!


	4. A tale of two fathers - how Rhaegar Targaryen and Ned Stark fit into Jon's saviordom

I’ve been thinking about[ this ask I reblogged](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/164103075135/when-robert-says-rhaegar-won-do-you-think-that) from @madaboutasoiaf and what her anon said about Westeros benefiting from Rhaegar being Jon’s father as opposed to Ned which I wanted to address, but I did not want to take away from the points about Robert in the original post so I thought making a new post about it would be more appropriate. Here’s the bit I want to talk about:

> Doesn’t that make Rhaegar the winner and Ned the loser, especially since Jon and Westeros are going to benefit more from Rhaegar as his father than Ned in the end?  

Besides my absolute rejection of the idea that [the narrative, at any point, means to frame Ned as the loser in the story](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/160055023800/do-you-think-that-lady-barbery-is-going-to-get-her) or [that we’re meant to see him that way](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/157798148970/do-you-think-ned-stark-was-successful-in-anything), here’s the irony in this line of thinking: Ned Stark did more for the War for the Dawn than Rhaegar Targaryen. Oh, Rhaegar sired Jon alright, but he did little beyond donating his sperm to create him. But the one who saved Jon’s life, that ensured that this one small infant would survive and grow up to be the man who will save the world? That was Ned Stark and the love he had for Lyanna. That was _Lyanna_ and the absolute faith and trust she had in her brother.

Rhaegar _failed_ the realm he wanted to save, and could have failed the little boy he fathered specifically to be a weapon against the Others so easily, did fail his two other children whom he believed were to be instrumental to the war. Rhaegar Targaryen could have been the king who saved Westeros; he had a prime opportunity and the necessary knowledge to do so. He was one of few who knew that the realm was already under siege and that a war for humanity’s very survival was coming, and the only one with enough authority and clout to really make a difference. Rhaegar could have significantly evened the stakes in the War for the Dawn by putting his focus to overthrowing Aerys since he recognized that the realm needed a better royal leadership if it had any chance to survive. With Rhaegar’s knowledge of the upcoming war, he could have had the monarchy spearhead a long-term plan to strengthen the Night’s Watch and the other Westerosi institutions so they could be prepared for the coming war. He could have used royal authority to dedicate resources to the Night’s Watch and set maesters to research the threat and how best to counter it. He could have established a line of communication with the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and the Starks of Winterfell so he’d know the second the invasion began. Westeros could have had nearly a decade and a half to prepare for the Others: dragonglass could have been mined, food and weapons shipped to the Wall, the closed castles restored and manned, warriors directed to join as the Watch ceased to be a penal colony and the honor of service in it was restored, etc. Westeros could have had a much easier time mobilizing for the threat had it had a king that believed in what others thought legends and old wives’ tales. Instead, Rhaegar undermined the realm’s chances of actually being prepared for the Others. He instigated a war that weakened the same institutions that could have faced their threat by bleeding the realm in a conflict that could have been avoided. He squandered his knowledge and acted as if acquiring a few children was the be-all, end-all of his responsibility to the realm…. and the kicker is that even those children were not properly protected.

Compare that to Ned who, unlike Rhaegar, did not know that Jon would play an important part in saving humanity, or that a war with a mystical enemy was coming, when he saved the life of one small infant and raised him with all the qualities that made him the hero Westeros needs. Look at Jon’s actions at the Wall and how driven he is by Ned’s teachings. Jon picked service in the Night’s Watch as a purpose because Ned had impressed upon him the honor of serving the realm on the Wall, a belief left over by a residual ancestral memory of the true purpose of the Wall and why the Night’s Watch is important. He was adamant on saving as many of the free folk as he could because [Dad stressed the value of every single individual life, and that condemning someone to die should never be easy and the cost should never be ignored](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/165347409695/i-would-love-to-hear-all-of-your-bookfeelings-on). I fully believe that Jon’s heroics should be attributed to him, that his courage and empathy and forward thinking is something to commend _Jon_ on, but Ned was the one who raised this man and who shaped who Jon came to be – a hero who stands up for the weak and innocent and who is going to save the world, not because Rhaegar Targaryen sired him for that purpose, but because Ned Stark taught him to do the right thing, and because Ned Stark _did_ do the right thing when he saved this small helpless innocent for love and for honor - because the life of that one bastard boy was _everything_ , worth the lies and the shame and the pain it cost Ned. And that one life spared will mean life to the realm at large.

Westeros might have been better served with Rhaegar as king, but it is _far_ better served with Ned as Jon’s father. It was Ned’s love that saved Jon, his honor that he passed onto his son, and his values and teachings that enabled Jon to be the hero Westeros needs.


	5. Promise me, Ned

Anonymous asked:

> How do you think Ned saw Jon? As his sister's boy? as his own son? As a burden? As worth it? Do you think he regretted his promise to Lyanna?

I do not think he regretted his promise or that he kept it, but rather the _cost_ of keeping it. That the promise to Lyanna chaffed at Ned is indisputable but that struggle was about the price it exacted from him and forced him to exact from his loved ones, rather than the promise itself.

> “I will,“ Ned had promised her. That was his curse. Robert would swear undying love and forget them before evenfall, but Ned Stark kept his vows. **He thought of the promises he’d made Lyanna as she lay dying, and the price he’d paid to keep them.**

Through his attempt to keep Jon safe, Ned lied through his teeth to people he cared deeply about. He hurt Catelyn tremendously and created a chasm in their marriage that would not otherwise be there. He hurt _Jon_ tremendously by keeping the identity of his mother a secret and giving him absolutely nothing about her which led Jon to internalize the thought that Ned was ashamed of his mother and of Jon himself by extension. That’s a heavy load of guilt to carry day in and day out, the realization that you’re hurting the people you love the most by your actions but being unable to do anything about it. Ned knew he was hurting both Catelyn and Jon, he knew he put them in a position where _they_ were hurting each other (inadvertently in Jon’s case because he couldn’t exactly help _existing)_ , but he could not see an alternative route since anything that made Jon’s situation better would have come at Catelyn’s expense, and anything aimed to ease Catelyn’s issues with Jon would have come at Jon’s expense. So that left Ned with a situation that was inherently imperfect, and a perpetual predicament of being caught between Jon and Catelyn, something that only brought pain to all parties.

What adds a layer of complication to Ned’s thoughts about his promise to Lyanna (something that haunts him throughout his PoV) is what it symbolized: the fact that Ned’s foster brother would sanction the murder of his kin so that Ned was then forced to lie to protect his little nephew. In addition to that, that promise was linked to a great deal of trauma for Ned. For better or for worse, Ned’s promise to Lyanna is tied to the trauma he experienced at the tower of joy from losing friends to the three standing Kingsguard to having his much beloved little sister die in his arms but not before entrusting him with a last piece of her, a little life that was in danger from Ned’s own foster family. That is not something that’s easily dealt with, especially alone and in silence because he could not share it with anyone in fear of Jon’s life being endangered. Keeping the secret of Jon’s paternity was incredibly isolating to Ned in its necessity of keeping a certain distance between him and his foster family, and its _creation_ of a distance between him and Catelyn, and him and Jon. That only compounded Ned’s previous trauma and left him to deal with it all on his own, all while that trauma was kept alive and on the forefront of Ned’s mind, what with the threat of Robert’s wrath held over his and Jon’s heads, and Jon being a walking reminder of the reality of _why_ he had to keep that secret and the trauma tied to it. That’s a very lonely position to be in, not at all made better by how Ned’s response to trauma tends to be inherently isolating. 

That this promise haunted Ned so and that he was weighed down by all the lies and secrets is perfectly understandable under these circumstances, but it’s not indicative of Ned regretting giving that promise. Ned was always going to keep Jon safe because Jon was his blood and the son of his beloved sister, and because that’s just who Ned was (honestly, this is the guy who was prepared to let Cersei escape punishment for her crimes to save Joffrey. _**Joffrey.**_ [Ned’s compassion and empathy is a vital part of his character](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/165347409695/i-would-love-to-hear-all-of-your-bookfeelings-on), especially when it comes to children.) That he gave his word to Lyanna to ease her mind as she died, well, that is the mark of a loving brother. But what forced him into a situation where he had to lie and hurt those he loved was not Jon, but rather Robert and his immoral vengeful wish to see every Targaryen dead. Ned was already in a fight with Robert over the murder of Princess Elia and Rhaenys and Aegon; that he then had to conceal his baby nephew to spare him the same fate only served to underline how Robert was responsible for the predicament Ned found himself in. The burden Ned bore was Robert’s doing, not Jon’s. That Robert’s condoning of the murder of children was always on the forefront of Ned’s mind was only made clear by his reaction to Robert’s order to kill Daenerys (compounded for Ned by the direct link to Jon, another teenage Targaryen that Robert would obliterate if he found out his existence) and by his attempt to get Cersei to leave with her children to spare them a similar fate. People always say that it’s easy to see Lyanna and Jon hovering behind Ned’s actions and I agree, but it’s also easy to see the ruined bodies of Rhaenys and Aegon, wrapped in crimson red and haunting Ned just as much. Rhaenys and Aegon were the motivator for Ned to lie and shoulder his burdens so he could spare Jon their fate.

As for how that reflected on his view of Jon…..

[I’m firmly in the camp that believes that Ned loved Jon as his own](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/151430698700/out-there-on-the-maroon-reblogged-your-post-and). Jon was Lyanna’s but he was also Ned’s. An essential thing to note in any discussion of Ned’s relationship with Jon is that this entire relationship existed by Ned’s choice. Ned _chose_ Jon as his son, and I don’t mean that only in the sense that he claimed him as his child but that he chose to _be_ a father to Jon instead of just giving the boy his name and foisting him on a vassal to foster, as is the standard practice for noble bastards in Westeros. Jon’s life in Winterfell was a choice on Ned’s part, a choice to give Jon a loving relationship with a parent and siblings and the best education he could get him, a choice to give Jon all the advantages he could get away with giving to him and to instruct him as one would a trueborn son. Ned chose to be Jon’s parent, full stop. He claimed him as his own as an infant and prayed to the old gods that he grows up with Robb as brothers. He gave him the name Jon in honor of the man who wasn’t his father by blood but who Ned considered his second father all the same, with what that symbolizes of Jon not being his son by blood but being his son all the same. He upended his life and caused strife in his marriage so he could take personal responsibility for raising Jon. That goes beyond dutiful acquiescence to the wishes of a dying sister, that’s love and not just for Lyanna but also for Jon. That Catelyn, the person who knew Ned best, remarked on his fierce protectiveness of Jon and noted his anguish when she informed him that Jon could not stay in Winterfell can only be a testament to that, as is Ned’s shame and sorrow in his final chapter over where he’d failed Jon. Ned’s love for Jon is visible in the text, if entangled with a lot of pain and trauma and mourning.


	6. Ned as Jon's father

Anonymous said:

> Do you ever think about the fact that Ned names his beloved foster son after his beloved foster father? Because I think about that a lot. And then I cry.

Only all the time. I have a lot of feelings about how Ned chose the name Jon for the boy who wasn’t the son of his body but whom he raised and loved as his own son, to honor the man who wasn’t his father by blood but who raised and loved him, Ned, as his own. The two father figures also parallel each other in their fierce protection of their chosen sons that makes them defy their kings: Jon Arryn by refusing Aerys’ call for Ned’s head and protecting his foster son from the king’s tyranny and paranoia, and Ned by concealing Jon as his own child to protect him from Robert’s blind vengeance.

Needless to say, this is one of my favorite minor tidbits in the series because I love how something as simple as a namesake holds weight in the story, and what it says about Ned’s relationship with Jon Snow.

* * *

Salaarastark said:

> I like exploring a Rhaegar and Jon relationship in both AU and canon, but as someone who was adopted by their stepfather, the fact that people like to invalidate the love between Ned and Jon makes me rage. Ned raised Jon and he loved him and cared for him and he was his father and Jon himself would hate any claim otherwise.

He totally would.

> He is not my father. The thought leapt unbidden to Jon’s mind. Lord Eddard Stark is my father. I will not forget him, no matter how many swords they give me. 

It blows my mind that anyone could ignore the sheer presence Ned has in Jon’s thoughts and how deeply he feels for his father. One of the main reasons why the truth of his parentage will be devastating to Jon is that he is proud to be Ned’s son, bastard or not. He strove his whole life to follow Ned’s example. He pushes against the idea of anyone taking Ned’s place as his father. That’s not going to go away simply because he finds out Rhaegar fathered him. What is Rhaegar to Jon but a name, and one attached to a disturbing history at that?

And that weird drive has to erase Ned’s influence has other sides: it implies, even if unintentionally, that blood relationships inherently have precedence over adoptive relationships for no other reason but blood connection. It’s as if Rhaegar somehow has one up on Ned simply because Jon is his birth son. Other than the fact that Ned is also Jon’s blood, the make of a father isn’t the creation of a child, but the raising of one. The person who raised Jon –and raised him bloody well, I might add– is Eddard Stark. He essentially committed treason and caused strife in his marriage to have Jon raised in Winterfell among his family. He gave Jon an education on bar with his own heir. He gave Jon a home and a family. It was by no means perfect. Ned made mistakes with Jon and failed him in some crucial moments, but that’s not what defines their relationship or Ned’s place in Jon’s heart. It’s fair to criticize Ned where he erred, but to try to erase the entire relationship is unbearably unfair, and it’s made even worse if the attempt is to substitute Ned’s influence and teaching and love with some made-up shiny relationship with Rhaegar.

Rhaegar fathered Jon for a prophecy and started a war to do it. Ned raised Jon for the love he had for his sister and his nephew, without having a hint of how important Jon will turn out to be. The former sought a weapon, the latter saved and nurtured an innocent life. Which has earned the title of father?

* * *

 

Brigh-eyed-goddes said:

> Would you care to explain what Ned’s mistakes re: Jon were? 

I’ve talked about this [here](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/151352200640/perhaps-im-beating-a-dead-horse-but-im-rereading) and [here](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/148219488850/anon-said-i-dont-think-rereading-the-book-will). To add, I think Ned erred in not telling Jon _anything_ about his mother to the point where Jon does not even know if she is alive or dead. It’s understandable why the subject was hard for Ned to talk about, and there were a lot of things that he couldn’t tell Jon, but it would have made a huge difference if he’d told Jon something as simple as “your mother loved you very much, and her dying wish was for me to take care of you” which would have eased Jon’s complicated feelings about his mother, and his perception of Ned’s actions in light of his adamant refusal to talk about her, namely that Ned was ashamed of him and his mother and that’s why he refused to talk about her. It would have also eased any feelings Jon might have had that his mother gave him up easily or something to that effect, a feeling that shines through in his interactions with Gilly and his observation of her own reactions.

(From the link):

Ned’s lack of planning is perhaps clearest - and most devastating for how apparent the need for it was years before the series began- in Jon’s story and how he ultimately ended up at the Wall. The uncertainty of Jon’s future was so glaring that it’s utterly ridiculous and inexcusable that it was not something that Ned ever considered and came up with a plan for years ago. We’re presented with a vague, half-formed _hope_ based on Jon and Robb’s closeness as the only indication that Ned had given any thought to Jon’s future. What did that plan even involve? We don’t know because we only hear of this in a Catelyn chapter, and she cut Ned off.  As things stood, Ned was basically counting on _Robb_ to see to his brother’s future, whether by offering him a place in Winterfell as advisor or castellan or master of guards or _something_ , or by perhaps offering him a small holdfast to hold in Robb’s name. Basically he hoped that Robb would keep his brother close – to do what? Well, apparently this was a thought for another time. Or maybe even for another man to decide. It was a dream for spring apparently.

And I say that Ned put that responsibility on Robb, perhaps unconsciously, because he himself took no measures and betrayed no intention to secure a place for Jon. Perhaps he intended to place him in charge of one of the castles on the lands that belong to the Night’s Watch that he wanted to wrestle away from Jeor Mormont. We just don’t know. Yes, Jon was too young for Ned to be able to let him hold any position at the moment, and he thought he still had time to figure things out - his appointment as Hand wasn’t in the cards - and we can argue that he didn’t _mean_ for Robb to shoulder that responsibility in his place, but to have zero plans to see to Jon’s future should anything happen to Ned or should he be unable to see to it himself, to the point where Ned was left floundering when Catelyn told him in no uncertain terms that Jon wasn’t staying, is unforgivable.

Forget about sudden appointments from the king, what happens to Jon if Ned up and dies for whatever reason? Ned left Jon in Catelyn’s begrudging care once before when he left for the Greyjoy Rebellion. Surely he should have spared a thought to what would become of him had Ned died in the fighting. Surely he should have left specific instructions or even detailed plans to ensure the future and well-being of this _five year old child_ if he didn’t return. Did it even occur to him that his demise would mean that Jon would have no where to go and no prospects for a future? Did he really think that Catelyn would keep Jon in Winterfell if he wasn’t there to make it so? Or did he count on a five year old Robb to prevent it? 

In Catelyn’s first chapter in AGOT, we’re told that Ned was aware of the grave tidings from beyond the Wall before he knew of Jon Arryn’s demise and Robert’s visit. He was considering the very real possibility of a war with Mance Rayder. So he was planning to go for another war before his Handship was even on the horizon — and still he hadn’t given a thought of what would become of Jon if he didn’t return?

And fuck it all, Ned _knew_ that Robert was coming to offer him the position of Hand long before Robert arrived. But for some reason he waited around twiddling his thumbs till the fact of his departure was staring him right in the face and Catelyn clearly stated that Jon can not stay.

Ned buried his head in the snow and let things escalate for no reason, making it that Jon literally had no choice but the Wall. When he could have easily made prior arrangements for Jon to be fostered elsewhere had the worst happened and Jon lost his place in Winterfell by Ned’s absence or demise. Ned’s bannermen would have been more than happy to gain favor by offering Jon a place to live. Hell, maybe it’s not common practice in the North but knighthood was an option for Jon as it is an honorable position that is actually attainable for a bastard. There isn’t an abundance of Northern knights but they do exist. Ser Wendel Manderly comes to mind. Ned could have sent Jon to be his squire, or he could have sent him to squire for any of the Knights of the Vale who remain on friendly terms with him. Such an option had the advantage of offering Jon a place, a purpose and a title, while not forcing him to give up so much like the NW’s vows dictate, not to mention that it would have served Ned’s purpose of Jon staying by Robb’s side since Jon would have been easily able to return to Winterfell whenever he wanted. 

This was a failure on Ned’s part – a failure to come up with a plan B, failure to recognize how Catelyn would send Jon away the first chance she got, failure to see how unfair it was of him to put the burden of Jon’s future on Robb, consciously or not. And I can’t excuse it by saying that Ned had no reason to expect the worst. This is the guy who participated in two wars and knew that the possibility of a battle against the wildlings was high, and that there was no guarantee of survival. He should have known better. He should have planned better. He should have presented Jon with options, for there were other honorable options for a bastard but Ned failed to consider them.


	7. On Benjen's possible knowledge of Jon's paternity

[catyuy](https://tmblr.co/mmmb5Z2glyn0NWpvybIA0sA) said:

> (not sure if you ever talked about this) Do you think Benjen knows the truth about Jon? If so, how much does he know and how does he know? (was he told by Ned/Lyanna or does he suspect)

I’ve mentioned it in passing once or twice but never really discussed it. The short answer is that I do think Benjen knows about Jon’s real paternity but I don’t think anyone told him as much as he had all the sufficient information to figure it out on his own. Most of my speculation about this is informed by how the text frames Benjen’s relationship with Lyanna; while we have only a few instances of interactions between them, it pointedly appears as a close relationship.

> Now two children danced across the godswood, hooting at one another as they dueled with broken branches. The girl was the older and taller of the two. Arya! Bran thought eagerly, as he watched her leap up onto a rock and cut at the boy. But that couldn’t be right. If the girl was Arya, the boy was Bran himself, and he had never worn his hair so long. And Arya never beat me playing swords, the way that girl is beating him. She slashed the boy across his thigh, so hard that his leg went out from under him and he fell into the pool and began to splash and shout. “You be quiet, stupid,” the girl said, tossing her own branch aside. “It’s just water. Do you want Old Nan to hear and run tell Father?” She knelt and pulled her brother from the pool, but before she got him out again, the two of them were gone.      

Benjen and Lyanna grew up with only one another for companionship, with Brandon being fostered in Barrowton and Ned in the Eyrie when Lyanna was all of four and Benjen even younger. They were probably also really close in age - considering the parallel set by Bran’s vision to Arya and Bran who are two years apart in age - which makes it more likely that they had a close relationship. Indeed, this vision clearly frames Ben as a close companion and confidant to Lyanna who seems to have been accustomed to keeping her secrets from the adults around them. He was a willing participant in her traditionally unlady-like endeavors as well if he was her regular sparring partner. That lends more credence to the heavy suggestion in Meera Reed’s story about the tourney of Harrenhall that Benjen was a knowing, contributing party to Lyanna’s brief stint as the Knight of the Laughing Tree. 

> “The wolf maid saw them too, and pointed them out to her brothers. ‘I could find you a horse, and some armor that might fit,’ the pup offered. The little crannogman thanked him, but gave no answer […]”   

It is likely that the armor that Ben offered to procure for Howland Reed was the “ill-fitting armor made up of bits and pieces” that Lyanna used as the Knight of the Laughing Tree. The logistics of the situation don’t work too well without Ben’s involvement. Also, Howland knew that Lyanna was the Knight of the Laughing Tree so I find it hard to believe that Ben, Lyanna’s lifelong companion and sparring partner, did not. That in turn makes it likely that Ben knew that Rhaegar had discovered Lyanna’s identity and that said discovery was what prompted her crowning as queen of love and beauty, in addition to whatever interaction may have happened between his sister and the crown prince at Harrenhal. Too, Lyanna’s reaction to Rhaegar’s singing had been previously noted by Ben since he teased her about it and got wine poured over his head for it. So Ben was in a prime position to know about the obvious entanglement between Rhaegar and Lyanna and the one most likely to know the details of what occurred between them. I can’t imagine that what happened at Harrenhal wasn’t a major subject of discussion between two young siblings sequestered on their own in Winterfell as Ned headed to the Vale and Brandon started preparing for his wedding. 

The extent of Benjen’s knowledge is speculative at best since we’re still missing a lot of details about this plot, but he was probably fully aware of how Lyanna felt about both Robert and Rhaegar, however her feelings about the latter could be described. In fact, I suspect that Ben might have been the only one who actually cared to listen to what Lyanna thought about what happened at Harrenhal since I don’t think that Rickard, Brandon or Ned were at all considering of Lyanna’s thoughts and feelings on this matter. Which makes it all the more likely that Lyanna trusted Ben with her feelings. In light of that, I feel confident saying that there is _no way_ that Ben did not know that Lyanna went “willingly” with Rhaegar, something that might have even played a part in his later decision to join the Night’s Watch at such a young age and so soon after Ned returned with Lyanna’s son. Because if Ben had all this information, it’s difficult for me to buy that he didn’t figure out the truth of Jon’s paternity. Ned’s lie was very easy to accept within a society indoctrinated to think that it’s normal for men to father bastards, especially in wartime - but that story does have holes for someone who had the background information Ben did and who knew Lyanna and Ned as well as he did. Note that Ben’s potential knowledge of the circumstances of Lyanna’s disappears means that his thoughts on the matter might have lacked the violence that characterizes the official story of Lyanna’s kidnap and rape, so the question of the manner of her death would be very present on his mind. What did Lyanna die _of_ exactly? Perfectly healthy 16-year-olds don’t just drop dead of their own accord. But Ned was scarce with the details. Ned didn’t talk about Lyanna, about Harrenhal and _especially_ not the Knight of the Laughing Tree. In fact, it looks like he banned talk of it, just as he banned talk of Jon’s mother who he _also_ refused to talk about. This is very telling if one knew where to look, and Ben certainly did. 

Ben knows. But I imagine that he could relate to how silence could be seen as the only way to protect a loved one. Ned kept the truth from everyone to protect Lyanna’s son, as Ben might have done in an attempt to protect Lyanna. Which might have played a part in shaping Ben’s wistful view of Jon as his son just as [it shaped Ned’s](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/166821844460/how-do-you-think-ned-saw-jon-as-his-sisters-boy).


	8. What were Ned's options in relation to Jon (legitimization, revealing the truth, etc)?

Anonymous said:

> hi sam, love your blog xx why do you think ned didnt ask robert to legitimise jon snow - ik it probably has something to do with r+l=j but is there another reason? also couldn’t ned have told catelyn and jon about jon’s real parents and saved all 3 of them a lot of grief? how do you think that would have changed ned and jon’s relationship thank u in advance xxx

Greetings anon and thank you!

> why do you think ned didnt ask robert to legitimise jon snow - ik it probably has something to do with r+l=j but is there another reason? 

This is a nonstarter for multiple reasons. For one, Jon’s bastardy affords him a great deal of protection since etiquette prevents questions about his parentage to emerge because it is considered rude to pry into the origin of natural children. It’s normal for men to father bastards in Westeros so no one blinks at Ned claiming that he did; in fact it’s treated as a piece of juicy gossip. But if he was to attempt to legitimize Jon, he’d invite scrutiny onto Jon and himself since many would rightly wonder why he being so unorthodox with his bastard son. It would definitely draw _Robert’_ s attention to Jon which is something Ned actively wanted to avoid. He really didn’t need Robert or Jon Arryn looking too close at Jon’s origins.

On a personal note, such at attempt would _annihilate_ Ned’s relationship with Catelyn. Legitimizing Jon hurts Cat on a deep personal level because she loves Ned and was already haunted by the thought that he loved another so deeply that he defied social norms for her child. Ned also loves Catelyn and the inherent callousness towards her in the act of legitimizing Jon would not only trash the loving relationship they had, but would probably reverberate through the entire family as his children with her were caught between their love for their brother and father, and their love for their mother. This irrevocably messes the family dynamic and would come at the cost of several familial relationships.

As far as the politics of this goes, it should be noted that[ acts of legitimization are rare enough in Westeros](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/166539578445/could-a-targaryen-prince-or-king-ever-legitimatize) and when they do happen, it’s almost always in cases where there is no direct heir to a house and succession is unclear. It is almost unheard of for a lord to legitimize a bastard child when he has living legitimate children and the one case where that happened with Aegon IV’s decree to naturalize all his bastard children led to the Blackfyre rebellions and generations of war. Which makes for an extremely disconcerting example that bred a sociopolitical disinclination to legitimize bastards, _especially_ in the presence of trueborn siblings. It is one thing to demand that Catelyn put up with Jon’s presence in Winterfell but it’s another thing entirely to make such a public statement about how much Ned favors him (to the possible detriment of his other children) and elevate him to where he could easily endanger Catelyn’s own children. Cat was already concerned about Jon’s prospective danger and had the Blackfyres in mind, it certainly would not help if Jon drew such a direct parallel to Daemon Blackfyre through his legitimization and if she has to contend with legitimate questions about what kind of message this might send to Ned’s bannermen or whether this was a prelude to Jon supplanting Robb. One only needs to look to Cat’s reaction to Robb’s decision to legitimize Jon for an idea of how badly she’d react to such a move from Ned. Those were concerns she lived with for _years_ , since she came to the North as a not-sure-footed outsider with her Riverrrun-born, Tully-looking son only to find a Stark-looking baby already installed in Winterfell.

> couldn’t ned have told catelyn and jon about jon’s real parents and saved all 3 of them a lot of grief?

It is not that simple, alas. This is a very dangerous secret that Ned has to be very careful with. As he reflects…

> Some secrets are safer kept hidden. Some secrets are too dangerous to share, even with those you love and trust. 

He is not wrong here. I’ve always thought that Jon deserved to know the truth, especially before he could be allowed to sign his life away to the Night’s Watch, but I can see where Ned is coming from. The more people know about this, the more danger to Jon is and the more Ned risks exposure. Also, this is information that directly puts _anyone_ privy to it in danger too. It’s safer for everyone to keep this secret to himself.

Of course, we can’t talk about the possibility of telling anyone without taking Ned’s mental and emotional state into account. Revealing the truth means that Ned would have to work through a lot of psychological issues at a much faster pace that he was shown to be capable of, in a society that has no grasp on things like trauma or how to help someone work through it. More relevant, perhaps, is the question of how that reveal might or might not change the state of affairs in Winterfell since revealing Jon’s parentage is often accredited with being a relatively easy fix to what issues arose from Jon’s presence there. Personally, I think that telling Catelyn the truth is a monumentally bad idea. It would certainly go a long way in alleviating Jon’s internalized shame that was born out of Ned’s refusal to identify or even talk about his mother, and in easing Catelyn’s hurt over Ned’s supposed infidelity, but this reveal has plenty of political ramifications that makes it almost impossible for Ned to tell Catelyn the truth. Keep in mind that Catelyn’s main problem with Jon wasn’t about her hurt feelings but rather about the political threat he posed to her children. The truth doesn’t mitigate the danger Jon could pose to Cat’s children, [it makes it exponentially _worse_](http://moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/156374388180/it-should-have-been-you). Ned was _committing treason_ by harboring Jon fully knowing that Robert’s anger would be murderous if he found out. Telling Catelyn the truth places her in a terrible position where she is either made complicit in Ned’s treason and forced to keep a secret she never signed up for (while perpetuating a threat to her own children), or she has to sacrifice both Ned and Jon to save her own children.

By telling Catelyn the truth, Ned would have placed both her and Jon in danger. Cat by involving her in Ned’s lie, and Jon by expanding the circle of those who know his identity and by making it that his life could be the price of keeping Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and Rickon safe. Indeed, Ned explicitly expresses his concern over what Catelyn’s choice would be if it came down to Jon’s life against her own children’s.

> Ned thought, If it came to that, the life of some child I did not know, against Robb and Sansa and Arya and Bran and Rickon, what would I do? **Even more so,** **what would Catelyn do, if it were Jon’s life, against the children of her body? He did not know. He prayed he never would.**

Pulling back a little from the worst case scenario, it remains certain to my mind that Catelyn would not react well to the truth about Jon’s paternity. I can see her urging Ned to keep the truth from Jon lest he get any ideas about launching a campaign for the Iron Throne or any such crazy ruinous idea. I definitely think she’d actively want Jon to join the Night’s Watch to neutralize his prospective danger and she’d still want him away from Robb so that her son wouldn’t get dragged into any potential conflict involving Jon.

> how do you think that would have changed ned and jon’s relationship 

If Ned tells Jon the truth? Depends on when he tells him I guess. Problem is that this is not a piece of information that I can see Ned entrusting to a child. It’s too precious and too dangerous so I don’t think that Ned would gamble with Jon’s life by telling him too soon when a misplaced word at the wrong time or in front of the wrong person could expose the truth. That means that Jon would still internalize the idea that Ned was ashamed of his mother or that he abandoned her, or that _she_ abandoned Jon. The truth also does not change the prejudice Jon faces as a bastard and would increasingly bring some horrific realizations for him. I think it’s a given that the truth would bring Jon a lot of pain and sorrow for how it distances him from the identity he spent his entire life dreaming of, and for how it “replaces” the father he loves and respects with, well, [Rhaegar Targaryen](https://www.tumblr.com/edit/moonlitgleek.tumblr.com/post/161215773670/im-sorry-i-didnt-mean-to-sound-like-i-was). I don’t think he’d react well to the fact that Ned lied to him for so many years, but at least the truth would come from Ned himself instead of a third party like what will happen in canon. It’s a lot better for Jon to hear this from Ned and to have him there to try to mitigate the shock and the ramifications of that reveal. That could be really substantial. Ned has acted as Jon’s father his entire life and something as simple as reaffirming that, no matter his biological paternity, Ned _is_ Jon’s father and the Starklings _are_ his siblings would go a long way in making the truth easier for Jon. That’s extremely valuable for Jon’s emotional state. And since telling the truth means that Ned had somewhat worked through his trauma enough to tell Jon, it’s possible that he’d be willing to share some information about Lyanna which would ease Jon’s deep wounds over not knowing anything about his mother.

 


	9. It should have been you - Catelyn's potential reaction to the truth about Jon

One of the things I often see Ned blamed for is that he never told Catelyn the truth about Jon, something that is thought to could have made Jon’s life better as it would ease Catelyn’s resentment of him if she learned that Ned did not cheat on her. The Tully words are often used in that context to prove that Cat would have accepted Jon and joined Ned in keeping his secret and protecting him if she’d known. But that is a premise I have always had trouble accepting.

Following Catelyn’s PoV and her patterns of behavior when her children are at risk undercuts that argument; Catelyn’s priority has always been her own children, and while this is perfectly normal, she does demonstrate her willingness to punish children she perceives as a threat to hers in the name of protecting her children, and to disregard or refuse to reflect on the danger her actions and desires might put other people’s children in. The scene in which the quote I chose to title this post was said, while the words of a grieving mother, still shows Catelyn’s instincts and thought process when her children are endangered. While her motivation is surely sympathetic as parents are sure to put their children ahead of everyone, Catelyn’s privilege means that she often fails to get out of her own perspective to consider how she is implying that she sees other people’s children as being inherently less important than her own, and provides Catelyn with an emotional justification for whatever she does, as long as she is doing it for her children’s sake or to protect them.

We see this in how she treats both young Jon and Theon, two vulnerable children that she sees as potential threats to her children, the former more than the latter. This is the main rationale behind Catelyn’s treatment of Jon; while her behavior towards him is definitely influenced by how his presence in Winterfell is a constant reminder of Ned’s infidelity and how it forces her to suffer public shame and damages her political image as Lady of Winterfell, the biggest cause of Cat’s behavior is the danger Jon could pose to her children’s lives and inheritance. Cat lives in fear that Jon or his descendants could try and supplant her own children or _their_ children, or even that he’d harm them to steal their inheritance, and thus treats him all his life as a potential threat that should be curbed. Of course this whole concern would be rendered moot if Jon’s parentage is revealed, but the problem is that the truth comes with its own set of problems - while it eliminates Jon as a potential rival claimant to Winterfell, Jon’s true identity, if anything, exacerbates the danger to Cat’s children. 

Because Jon Snow, bastard son of Eddard Stark and some woman he refuses to speak of, could make a push for the lordship of Winterfell against a trueborn Stark, but Jon, bastard son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, could make a push for _the Iron Throne_. It’s not like he would be the first Targaryen bastard to do so, or like politically-savvy and history-minded Catelyn (who canonically had the Blackfyres in mind even when she didn’t know about Jon’s real identity) wouldn’t pick up on the parallels between Jon and Daemon Blackfyre. Descending from two highborn parents, raised and educated alongside the trueborn children and with a pool of potential supporters dissatisfied with the current regime ripe for recruitment, the only social mark against Jon is his bastardy, just as it was for Daemon. A bid for the throne on Jon’s part would effectively force the Starks’ hand into war simply by revealing Ned’s lie, even if he has no desire to go against Robert in the first place. Ned has also demonstrated his willingness to put Jon ahead of his “duty” to the crown, and with how fiercely protective he is of Jon and how close Robb is to his brother, the Starks would surely get dragged into this, landing Catelyn’s family in peril and starting yet another war for the folly of a Targaryen-blooded bastard. 

There’s no conceivable way that Catelyn wouldn’t be keenly aware of that or ready to run the risk of her family being put on the line for Jon Snow. Cat’s view of bastards doesn’t happen in a vacuum. In addition to being a highborn member of a society widely distrustful of and prejudiced against bastards, she was born only a few years after the War of the Ninepenny Kings, a _fifth_ rebellion by the Blackfyres that threw the realm into war in a bid for the throne - a war in which both Hoster and Brynden Tully took part to rebel the Band of Nine. The ostensible last stand of a cause that arose 50 years previously in support of a Targaryen bastard, and was kept alive for years almost single-handedly by another bastard, these rebellions accentuated the threat bastards can pose to truborn siblings, illustrated the worst case scenario of treating bastards on par with the trueborn children and colored the education of Catelyn’s generation by validating the prevailing social stigmatization of bastards as inherently treasonous. It was an affirmation to the worldview that vilifies bastards and justifies their mistreatment lest they overreach and threaten the trueborns. Being an extremely politically aware person, and one who is very invested in her worldview and the righteousness of her education, Catelyn is predisposed to assume the worst and fear what child Jon could grow up to cause. Her education and her society’s social norms tell her to keep Jon at arm’s length, to abuse and isolate him and constantly remind him of his place so that he wouldn’t get any ideas. Better safe than sorry!

And that’s not the end of it. Jon doesn’t have to _do_ anything to be a danger to Catelyn and her family, he is already one just by _existing_ \- the last surviving child of Robert Baratheon’s most hated foe, a living symbol of his betrothed’s presumed rape (or a living reminder that his betrothed spurned him, if he ever finds out the circumstances of Lyanna’s disappearance), and most importantly, a threat to his throne. Robert might even blame the kid for Lyanna’s death, Lannister-style. If he ever finds out that Ned is harboring Rhaegar’s kid, it means war - one that would spell disaster to Catelyn, her husband and their children (and that’s without taking into consideration the awful position a conflict between the North and the crown would put Hoster Tully or Lysa Arryn in) Jon’s existence and presence in Winterfell and Ned’s protection means that the entire Stark family could easily be named traitors to the crown and attainted, losing her children their inheritance and Ned his life.

And while Catelyn stews in her fears and works through being essentially forced by her husband to be an accomplice to his treason and in his coverup of who Jon truly is, she still has to endure the ongoing public humiliation of having her husband’s ostensible bastard in her household and growing with her children. I can easily see Catelyn taking out her resentment of the position Ned put her in on Jon himself in the same way she did when she thought him her husband’s bastard. 

Taking all that into account, I don’t see any conceivable way for the truth about Jon’s parentage to have a positive effect on Catelyn’s behavior towards him. If anything, learning the truth would make her want nothing more but for Jon Snow to fade into obscurity _away_ from her children. She would actively work to alienate him from all his siblings, especially Robb, to ensure that he wouldn’t be able to rob them into getting dragged into any potential war in his name. She would strongly advocate for Jon to never learn the truth of his parentage, not that Ned was falling over himself in his haste to tell the kid anyway. And she definitely would push for him to take the black as soon as possible, perhaps even earlier than he did in canon and _definitely_ before Robert made it to Winterfell. Hey, Osric Stark wasn’t even ten when he joined the Night’s Watch, there is always room for improvement! I’m sure Winterfell would be a very healthy place to grow up in for Jon, enduring a battle of wills between Ned and Catelyn and being pushed out of his only home far more mercilessly than in OTL.

And the thing is, Ned was not unaware of any of that. He was not unaware of how recent history colors the perception of bastards in general, and Targaryen bastards in particular. He was not unaware of his wife’s stance on the subject, or of how she would be willing to persecute Jon in the name of protecting her children….. perhaps even sacrifice Jon if it came to it? Ned definitely wasn’t willing to risk that.

> Ned thought, If it came to that, the life of some child I did not know, against Robb and Sansa and Arya and Bran and Rickon, what would I do? **Even more so,** **what would Catelyn do, if it were Jon’s life, against the children of her body? He did not know. He prayed he never would.**


	10. Why Ned didn't claim that Jon was Brandon's or Benjen's

Anonymous said:

> I never understood why Ned claimed Jon himself and didn't say he was Brandon's or even Benjen's. It would have made things easier for both him and Jon. Jon's life would have improved greatly without Catelyn's scorn over him being a constant living reminder that her husband betrayed her.

Well, for starters, hecouldn’t.

Benjen was the Stark in Winterfell during Robert’s Rebellion and it’s common knowledge that Ned returned with Jon from Dorne, which can easily be corroborated. So how can Benjen impregnate someone that far south when the last time he left the North was Harrenhal, close to two years previously? They couldn’t even spin a tale about a woman who traveled from the North to the south after being impregnated by Benjen because no one sane would travel straight into a war zone for no reason, much less a pregnant woman. Any attempt to pass Jon off as Benjen’s would be a transparent lie that would only serve to make people wonder why the Stark brothers were trying to obscure the paternity of that baby and could lead to some dangerous questions.

Brandon was a more logical choice since he was in the south and it can’t be that no one knew he was sleeping around, though I’m pretty sure the timeline would be off by more than a few months given Jon’s age in relation to the time of Brandon’s death and the latest he could have impregnated someone. I’m not sure if this would have registered though since lots of people still thought Ashara Dayne was Jon’s mother even though Jon’s age makes it impossible for her to be, unless Ned and Ashara had a tryst right in the midst of an active war that they were on opposite side of. But _Ned_ didn’t know that the people at Winterfell would suddenly fail at basic maths.

Regardless, I highly doubt that Jon’s life would have improved greatly had Ned claimed he was Brandon’s. For sure Catelyn’s resentment of him wouldn’t have been as consuming as it was when she believed he was Ned’s, but Jon would still be a bastard facing the same prejudices and preconceived notion that he is treacherous and disloyal by nature. Catelyn’s fear that he’d grow to challenge her kids for Winterfell would have doubled if she’d had the child of the original heir of Winterfell growing in front of her eyes, looking more Stark than her own child. Catelyn would have a lot to fear of a child of Brandon’s. She would have doubled down on her demands that Jon be sent to foster somewhere. And Ned wanted Jon in Winterfell so this was a no go.

But….. I sincerely doubt that Ned thought of any of that, simply because I doubt he even entertained the possibility of claiming that Jon was either of his brothers’. I just don’t think the idea occurred to him. When you consider his emotional state at the time, it’s easy to see why he’d automatically claim Jon without even considering his brothers. Plus, I don’t think Ned ever told Benjen the truth. His patterns of talking -or well, _not_ talking- about so much of what happened over the course of the war suggest as much. Ned couldn’t talk about what happened in Dorne or Lyanna’s death because talking about this period is genuinely traumatizing for him. Like, the ever-ending question about why Ned never told Catelyn the truth that so many fics have been written about? The predominant answer to that is trauma. So while I believe that Benjen knows the truth, he most likely figured it out for himself.


End file.
